Form Rejection Letter

No need for an explanation of context

Dear Applicant,

Thank you for your interest in me, but due to increased demand on my time, I cannot accept your application for a second date.

I have had many qualified applicants, and do not feel that this form letter poorly on your attributes, but rather on me. I cannot allow myself to go on a second date just to break it off in person. I do not want to waste your time or your money. 

However, you can at this time, reflect on what went poorly on our first date. Did you touch me excessively? I do not like to be touched. A good hint is if I am reciprocating. Did you drink too much? I used to drink a lot but now my life requires moderation in all things. Did you drink cheap beer? Hunter S. Thompson wrote: "bad people drink bad beer." 

I wish you the best of luck in your girlfriend or date search. 

Sincerely, 

Emma

A's Version

Dear Applicant,   

Thank you for your interest in me, but due to increased demand at this time, I cannot offer you a second date. I have had many qualified applicants, so please do not feel that this reflects poorly on your attributes, but rather on my limitations. I cannot, in good conscience, go on a second date with you just to break it off in person. I do not want to waste your time or your money, nor my own. 

I would encourage you to reflect on what may have gone poorly on our first date. Did you touch me excessively? I do not like to be touched. Of course, you could not have known this in advance, but I expect a potential partner to be able to read my hints. Whether or not a woman is reciprocating is a good clue to how acceptable she finds your actions. You might consider asking a close female friend to practice with you.  

Did you drink too much? I used to drink a lot but now my life requires moderation, in drinks and in people. Consider drinking with a close female friend, and asking her to let you know when you’ve reached an acceptable limit. Did you drink cheap beer? To quote Hunter S. Thompson: "bad people drink bad beer." Try practicing ordering drinks in front of a close female friend and asking for her feedback.  

I wish you the best of luck in your ongoing girlfriend or date search.  

Sincerely,  

Emma 

p.s. If your close female friend has put up with all of this, you can probably just go ahead and date her.

(They each have their own merits.)

Enjoy